Hi dear thanks for query. I understand your concern in different areas of life. Your statement sounds that you might be in emotional distress,lack of coping ability have resulted with different out come. I understand your difficulties, looking forward for supportive hand who can uplift your confidence and help you in understanding the reason for this situation.
Next Steps
You can meet psychologist in your place or you can contact me through online option.
Health Tips
You can try and share your emotions to whom you feel comfortable, try to socialize and spend time in the works you feel like to do. Don't isolate your self.