Dear Girl, What you are doing is excessive negative evaluation of self and criticism. Your behaviour is that of self harm. ' This may be because of Depression. This is common.

Hello dear, I can understand how difficult it must have been for you to go through these difficult times and suffer from physical and emotional distress. However I would like to emphasize and state in bold letters that please do not lose heart,help is and will be available once you take the steps in right direction. I do totally understand that at your end you have made all the possible efforts to heal yourself through self and friends. However please seek a professional mental health consultation to understand your health needs and to be able to work through these issues. A psychiatrist will assess your condition in detail including your physical and mental health. Some investigation like thyroid, hemoglobin, hormonal status, etc may be required, thereafter a comprehensive psychological interview and some scales may be used. Thereafter a plan of care and management can be formulated for you. Do not lose hope,as I firmly believe that you can be definitely helped, and my conviction stems out of scientific research and experiences. Suicide is not a solution and rather the approach needs to be to work through and beat all these problems and come out on top. Hope this helps you. Best wishes for your health and future... God bless..