Hi, you didn't want to accept your present life, you only want to live in past. ask a question to yourself, if you constantly thinking about past can your past is convert into present or it can be give you more and more trouble. Don't spoil your present life for the person who is not in your life anymore. You have a beautiful family, think about your kids and husband.
Next Steps
Go for counseling session, it may be help you to get rid of your adamant nature.