Hello dear, Please be assured that your condition can be helped and in all likelihood it is treatable condition. Please do not lose hope and seek help from your family and friends, and get a consultation with a psychiatrist near you at the earliest. The suicidal thoughts that you have reported here, do worry me and I would like to ask you to please seek a consultation on an emergency basis. Your symptoms can be understood through comprehensive assessment and evaluation. Thereafter a detailed plan for management can be formulated for you. A combination of medication and psychological intervention is likely to be required for your care. However let me please reiterate that go for a consultation to get out of this seemingly difficult situation for you.