Hi dear I think relationship issue is causing you to feel low in emotions, confidence and also self. which intern you are experiencing the stress, insomnia and feeling worthlessness. right now you require a space and person whom you can trust and share your feelings. Dont feel negative each person are unique and skillful. At the earliest you try to visit Psychologist near your area, try to overcome you negative emotions. You are capable of handling, stay positive.

I think, when you can decide on the relationship  and prepare yourself about the consequences,  you might get a relief.

Since you are getting suicidal thoughts & feeling worthless, you need to consult a psychiatrist at the earliest. Timely treatment will help you come out of the depression & carry on with your life as before.