Hello Friend, thank you for reaching out here for help. I can understand suitation and I appreciate your attitude to solve the problem by yourself. In life, we will have to face such issues now and then and you need to prepare ourselves to handle it. Currently it looks like your are more worried about some past incidents and getting anxiety. May be that's causing sleeping disturbance,negative thoughts. You can try solve it by yourself, but with current mindset and disturbance, you may unnecessary aggravated the problem. Hence would prefer you to get psychology counseling done to assess your suitation in detail and to explore the possible solutions. This should give you confidence to handle current suitation and learning for future.