I understand your going through lot of hard time. Missing parental figure at very young age and other parent instead of being supportive is  critical can cause lot of childhood trauma . Having constant parents/ primary care takers is very important for childs overall development... Trusting , accepting, Reassuring, supporting ,caring through their hardships, doubts, fears, failures, anxities,worries ....is important in shaping ones personality. unconditional Love are important in forming child's self esteem, confidence ., Believing oneself Unexpressed emotions or unresolved conflicts are most common cause of depressions or anxities people go through. Therapy can help understand whats causing you stress n what's important to you than feeling depressed , inferior, or suicidal and work on those things.

U r in severe depression.

Need to be evaluated