Hi there, As u said u have not yet figured out wat exactly is ur problem. And i presume u want to get rid of that 'something'. The best at this point will to just ally wid someone ( doctor or psychiatrist or clinical psychologist or a mental health expert) wid whom u can atleast figure out wat ur foe is or wat r its boundaries. As the saying goes " keep ur friends close but ur enemies even closer " ; so we got to figure out dat first . Then it will b all upto u whether u find dat something manageable on ur own or u need some professional help or more......u can always take a call on dat ur self. . Only thing i can make out from the above problem is that its troubling u and causing anxiety ...so it needs attention. Hope this helps u ...but feel free to consult further. Take care. Best of luck