Dear student, from the brief background that you have provided here it seems that you are currently going through turbulent times and it is becoming difficult for you with each passing day. However I must assure you that with professional help you can get back to being yourselves and you can reclaim your life. Your history of self harm and current death related thoughts worry me, and I urge you to seek a psychiatric consultation at the earliest. In the meanwhile try to spend maximum times with people who share a positive relationship with you, pursue your hobbies, take a morning walk, do some physical exercise, and please remember that tough times are like waves and "this too shall pass." Have hope and best of luck for your health and future. Hope this helps you..