You seem to be going through a tough time. Your problems are not caused by you but are affecting your mental peace. Sometimes problems have to be understood, acknowledged first after which a solution will come out. Sometimes we just need to learn how to cope with the problem because there's no way out of it. If that's the case, then what are your inner resources which you can use to cope and find a positive personal reason for coping
Next Steps
If you are feeling suicidal then please go to the nearest hospital emergency department since this is a life threatening situation.
Health Tips
A visit to the psychiatrist and counselling psychologist for full evaluation could help you to gain the resources you need to cope with this situation.