Hello Friend, Good that you are seeking a help here. Looks like you are emotionally disturbed and going through a tough time. Such emotional imbalance, will create negativity and lack of interest. Better you need to ventilate your feelings, emotions and concerns to someone who care like friends or family members. If you hesitate to talk to them, then take a professional help like psychology counselling to assess your suitation and get recommendations.. Feel free to reach out to me online for further evaluation and recommendation