I can understand how exhausting this must feel. Struggling with low motivation, lack of interest, difficulty staying consistent, and constant worry about your future for 4–5 years can significantly affect your confidence and quality of life.
From what you've described, several possibilities could be contributing to your difficulties, including depression, anxiety, burnout, attention-related concerns (such as ADHD), or a combination of these factors. The lack of energy, loss of interest, confusion about career direction, and thoughts that life has no meaning deserve proper attention and should not be dismissed as laziness or lack of willpower.
The fact that you want to build a career and are seeking help is a positive sign and indicates that a part of you still wants things to improve.
Next Steps
Consult a mental health professional (Psychologist or Psychiatrist) for a comprehensive assessment.
A psychologist can evaluate your mood, anxiety, attention, motivation patterns, and career-related concerns.
A psychiatrist can assess whether symptoms of depression, anxiety, ADHD, or other conditions are present and determine if medication is needed.
Try not to self-diagnose based on online information, as symptoms of depression, burnout, and ADHD can overlap.
Health Tips
Avoid labeling yourself as lazy or incapable.
Break tasks into small, manageable steps rather than focusing on long-term goals all at once.
Maintain regular sleep, meals, and physical activity as much as possible.
Reduce excessive comparison with peers and focus on gradual progress.
Keep track of your mood, energy, and concentration patterns.
Important:
You mentioned occasional thoughts of harming yourself and feeling that life has no meaning. Please take these thoughts seriously. If these thoughts become frequent, intense, or you ever feel unsafe, reach out to a mental health professional, a trusted person, or emergency services immediately.