For as long as I can remember, I have had the intense drive to die. The feeling is pervasive and is accompanied by anhedonia, alexithymia, chronic pain, intense boredom, self harm, risky behaviors, and intense loneliness. I have trouble communicating with others. I often can feel anger and nothing but anger, even after a mood shift. My moods shift far more rapidly than my peers. I have difficulty concentrating, and often suffer nightmares. I have called the hotline and been told to kill myself.