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Feel unmotivated, distracted, depressed
I feel unmotivated, distracted, depressed. I feel like I cant do anything right. I cant find the motivation to do anything I want or need to do. I'm not motivated at work or just about anything. I feel repressed, trapped and helpless.
I swear I am not dumb, I have a BE hons degree in Electronics and MSc hons. in Chemistry from BITS Pilani. I work for Microsoft and I am not an idiot. But I feel like one. I dont like the job that I am doing. But I hardly ever like a 'job'. All I ever feel like doing is making origami, write stuff, make bullshit jokes and memes and paint things. None of those make money. It's been two years in my job almost and there is no hint of a promotion. My boss thinks I dont work 'hard' enough. Maybe I dont. I dont 'feel' like it. The only thing I 'feel' right now is helpless.
I am in treatment for depression with Welbutrin and the depression seems okay but it just further reveals the deeper cracks in the concrete - anxiety and what seems like textbook-ADHD.
What you have described sounds like a creative mind trapped in a non creative job. However, as you pointed out, its important to have money. So now its about trying to find out how you can feel better about yourself and how you can perform well at work as well as feel less frustrated by doing what you like.
Next Steps
See a psychologist. Cognitive behaviour therapy can help one get out of learned negative patterns of thinking. Other therapies like mindfulness can help you connect with yourself.
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I feel, you are Confused between passion and profession.
Passion brings in you the happiness.
Happiness helps you in your profession to get motivated and work enthusiastically.
Next Steps
For more clarity, visit a psychologist in your city.
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