4 years is a very long time and you seem to be quite strong to have handled them all alone this while. Now that you have decided that you want to move further ahead and get well it will definitely happen by following the right treatment part.  Since you don't share I am sure there must be many repressed thoughts that are bothering you and you may also be trying very hard to ignore them or to deal with them in your way. Thus I strongly feel that you must start psychotherapy sessions with a Clinical Psychologist. Teaming up with a Psychologist can help you in removing your current problem from the root by some technical research based techniques which will definitely motivate you and assist in overcoming the negativity. It will also help in working on any other issues that seem to be stressing you. You can consult me or any other Psychologist first few sessions in your case I would recommend should be face to face. Also consult a Psychiatrist. A combination of Psychotherapy and Psychiatry will definitely help you.

Yes,  it drains you very badly when you need to date issues. Have you resolved,  all those. Each while. I think you could have concluded  life with the generalizations out of the issues you faced.

Hi. I can understand what you must be going through. Facing stressful life situations repeatedly takes a toll on our emotional health. Generally, our past experiences guide our future behaviour but often we let bad experiences in past overcome everything which let's our present and future difficult. We need to move on in order to see the situation in a newer light. You should consider seeking professional help. Treatment with medications or psychotherapy or a combination of both will help you deal with situations in a much better way.