Hi How long have been feeling depressed? Have you visited a psychiatrist yet? Because it is clear you require medications to eliminate your symptoms. However, coming to your mental state, you definitely need counseling and guessing by your description above I don't think you have tried that yet. When you are not in a stable state of mind, finding solutions or thinking clearly become difficult. In such cases a counselor can help you by providing therapies or counseling and the medicines can curb your physical symptoms. Feel free to contact if you would wish to get counseled. But make sure you visit a psychiatrist soon.