What Overcoming Heartbreak?
It can be hard to see clearly, when your hearth is at stake, but there is one point which must be clear: There is a difference between being grateful for what you have and settling for less than you deserve. If we are still listening to out child minds, we are attracted to people who are not good for us but make us feel better in the moment. Don’t wrap your self-esteem around someone else. Nobody deserves verbal, physical or emotional abuse. Nor should you allow an abusive, manipulative, toxic relationship to transition into friendship. Because the dynamic will not change.
In every relationship you have opportunity to set the level of joy you expect and the level of pain you’ll accept. No relationship is perfect but if joy never reaches a certain point, or holds to low average, that won’t change unless you both put in a lot of work. The same is true for how much disappointment you are willing to bear. You connect may get a slow start—it can take a while to know each other—but if it never reaches a satisfying level, you need to decide whether to accept it or move on. I know it is not easy. When you have spent quality time with someone, when you have invested in someone, when you have given yourself to someone, it’s hard to let go. We often mistake attachment for love. We imagine that grasping and clinging that we have in our relationships shows that we love. Whereas actually, it just attachment, which causes pain. Because the more we grasp the more we are afraid to lose, then if we do lose, the of course we are going to suffer. Ultimately, holding on to a wrong person causes us more pain than letting them go.
Next Steps
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