Hello I am so sorry to hear what you are going through and can understand your dilemma at this point. It would be a good idea to get yourself diagnosed before coming to any conclusions. Also, we have seen over experience, that the internet has too much of information and we often succumb to the overwhelming information load and presume the symptoms mentioned is something that we are going through. For a while, please refrain from doing these internet searches and get a thorough check done. Most often, talking to a trusted person or a counsellor could help.

The first step is, to stop   browsing the Internet. The second d is,  consult a psychologist in your city or online.