Hi. I can understand what you must be going through. Marital relationship complications are always very difficult and it definitely causes a deep impact on our lives. From what you have mentioned, it seems that you are suffering from symptoms of underlying depressive disorder. Considering that you are also having death wishes, it's important to seek help at the earliest. Please consult a psychiatrist and get yourself evaluated. In your case treatment with medications and psychotherapy will help you get better. In addition, you should also consider couples therapy sessions with the aim to improve the relationship.