I think, you are unhappy about something or someone..
And it looks like that you haven't resolved it..
Unless you have a clarity or an acceptance about that issue which is subtly bothering you, you may not be able to understand yourself better..
Next Steps
I suggest you to consult a psychological Counselor to understand yourself better..
Health Tips
You can reach me by using the link given below for more details :-
https://prac.to/hema-sampath-psychologist-dir