Hello Friend, Good that you are seeking a help here. Your tension and anger are expression of stress. It reflects very badly and showing it on baby is dangerous.
Immediately work on a stress management plan. You can overcome this with few self therapies, dietary, lifestyle changes.
Take a professional psychology counselling guidance to explore the level of stress and suitable solutions.
Next Steps
Feel free to reach out to me online through Practo app further detailed assessment and suitable solutions that you can follow practically to overcome this problem. Be confident. You will be alright soon.