Hello Friend, Good that you are seeking a help here. When you love someone so much, you deserve to live a life with him for ever and God will show a way to handle it. so don't think about any such negative thoughts. You should  fight to get him and that's the spirit. Share your problems with close friends or your well wishers for a help. Else take some counselling support from any of us to face such suitations with confidence. Don't think anything foolish and miss this wonderful life with your loved one. Don't hesitate to ask for help.