You are having certain issues in your personality, which might be caused by certain experiences in life. Obviously you are distressed by maintaining this lifestyle and balancing different things in life. You do tend to get anxious many times coz of the manipulations you have to do. It does take a toll on your mental health.
Next Steps
kindly talk to a professional psychologist to find out the underlying causes and get appropriate treatment.
Health Tips
Do not procrastinate taking help since it might land you in a big trouble. you could reach out to.me too in case you wan me to help you.