Loneliness in a long-term relationship or marriage can be a real burden.
It can leave us not knowing how to make things better: should we try to talk to our partner? Or will whatever’s caused this sense of loneliness make it difficult? Apart from leaving us feeling isolated, loneliness can also make us feel helpless.
Loneliness is a complex feeling, when someone says they feel ‘lonely’ it can mean a variety of things.
It might mean you feel unheard or unloved.
Next Steps
If you think you could do with a little help, there’s nothing wrong with coming in for counselling. You may find that just one or two sessions are all that’s required to help you get talking again and begin to move things in the right direction.
Contact me for further assistance.
Health Tips
When you’re feeling distant from your partner, it can be really difficult to address the problem. If you’re feeling let down or like they aren’t able to support you, it can feel nerve wracking to ask them for help to make things better. But this is usually what it takes to begin to address any issues.
Before doing any of this one thing that can be useful is giving a label to your feelings. Does any of the above sound familiar in your relationship? Would you describe yourself as feeling ‘lonely’? Being able to put this label on it can be a good way of accepting that there is a problem – that something does need to change. It can also give you a way to describe how you’re feeling when you do begin to talk.
After this, it’s a case of having the conversation with your partner without getting into an argument. It can be easy to end up getting emotional and allowing thing to spiral into a heated row, but it’s important to try to talk in a way that can lead to an agreement about what you can both do differently. We have a number of tips we recommend people try for having difficult conversations that you might find useful for this.
Many couples find that simply beginning to talk about this is all that’s needed to start making progress towards solving it. In the case of feeling ‘lonely’ in a relationship, it’s very common that the other person was unaware that their partner had needed extra support – simply because the other partner hadn’t told them. We often assume that our partners should have an intuitive understanding of what we’re going through and what we need, but the reality is that it’s not always clear unless it’s actually stated out loud.
Of course, talking about a problem is no guarantee that it can be solved quickly – or even at all. But, left alone, these kinds of issues tend to fester and grow over time. Being open and communicative about problems, even when it’s difficult or painful, gives you the best chance of dealing with feeling lonely– and, if you are able to work through things – you may well find that your relationship comes out stronger on the other side as a result.