You seem to be going through a tough time. Being involved in a loveless relationship can be very draining and detrimental to your confidence and self esteem. You could do better by drawing clear boundaries with your partner wherein you can protect yourself from any kind of abuse.
Next Steps
See you counselling psychologist and psychiatrist for complete evaluation and further action.
Health Tips
If he's a narcissistic person, then you might be brainwashed into believing many unhealthy things about yourself. He could be low on emotional empathy, believe the worst of you and treat you like garbage.