I can understand how difficult things appear from your perspective. However you should not lose hope and work towards a better state of mind and better mental health. First step is to identity the problem, which seems to be suggestive of a depressive episode from your description. To improve this you need to consult a mental health specialist which can be a psychiatrist or a clinical psychologist. Who will assess your health and prescribe appropriate management strategies. You can focus on a healthy diet, exercise, talking to family and friends, listening to music, and pursuing a hobby as possible beneficial steps to begin with. However it would be in your best interest to seek an appointment with a psychiatrist or a clinical psychologist to help you in this scenario. Hope this helps you. Do not lose heart and hope be sure help is available if you seek it...