I have been experiencing purposelessness and emptiness from a long time, There is a constant rise of cortisol (which I have presumed as I can't sleep all night and wake up randomly at odd timings) I am a medical student in 1st year in russia, There have already been problems back in india with my family, My mother is diagnosed with chronic delusion with hyper aggression and is going under treatment. My Dad has panic disorder and anxiety for which he is taking medications, Also both my parents are diabetic, And my mother has hearing loss. So coming back to my condition, I have been feeling low from past 2-3 years, Especially after failing in neet, I had attempted suicide once due to a family dispute and constant fights. Now, I thought coming abroad would fix everything, But here as well due to my aggressive nature and foul language, I fail to make and maintain friendships, Going through relationship issues as well, I feel very filled up. I feel leftout & feel like taking alprazolam.