Hello Friend, Good that you are seeking a help here. I can understand your suitation. There is no fun in holding on such emotional disturbance within you,which is anyway affecting your day-to-day life. What you need immediately is a pair of ears to ventilate your feelings, emotions and concerns. This will allow you to define your problem first. Then you can easily figure out suitable solutions to overcome it.
Take a professional counselling support to assess yourself first and figure out the root cause behind this negativity in your life. I am sure you will be able to see a different prepective about yourself and about your problems with suitable solutions.
Next Steps
Feel free to reach out to me directly or online through Practo for further detailed evaluation and practical recommendations. Be positive. You will be alright soon.