Hello there. So sorry to hear of your situation.This clearly is a unhealthy and perhaps dangerous situation. It is best to seek out professional help by reaching out to a psychologist or trained marital counsellor. It takes time but we do see a lot of people and families change through regular and continued counselling. Happy birthday and wishing you for better years ahead.
Health Tips
In case he refuses to come initially, you could consider saying that the consultation is for you to help manage things better and that his insights may be useful for the therapist to plan counselling.