Hello Friend, Good that you are seeking a help here. Every problem has a solution to overcome. Only thing is, you need to ask for help when you are not able to handle yourself. When your mind is going through negative thoughts , don't take any hasty decisions. Don't hesitate, ask for a professional help.
Next Steps
Consult a psychologists directly or online to first ventilate your emotions and concerns. I am sure you will be able to see a different prepective and solution for your problem. Feel free to reach out to me online through Practo app chat for further evaluation and recommendation.