You seem to be overwhelmed by studies and other regular chores. Looking life as a huge mess is your own perspective and no one can be responsible for such a thought. When you see the world through a scratched spectacles everything looks hazy. First and foremost change that and the world is beautiful.  You said this year has been a mess, may be some past experience is bothering you and not allowing to move ahead!! If so, you need to solve those. Identify your passion, meet friends and relatives during the vacation,  go to places, play some outdoor sports etc. and make every moment of the vacation time worthwhile. Probabilities that you may be stressed or depressed about some past incidents.  Consult a Counselling Psychologist for help before things could worsen.