I am a student preparing for neet ,I am dropper ,but I unable to study sincerely,I just procastinate things and become lazy, i just go in depressive phase when i see no improvement, for past 4 months I didn't study at all,this same thing happened in 11th and 12th ,I didn't study atall for 7months and for 3 months ,and for some months I studied,by seeing this I feel I am bipolar ,I have gone through lot of childhood trauma, I grew up in very toxic environment, so I am victim of substance abuse also I was addicted to TV in childhood and later to youtube social media to escape from reality and I try to use food as drug ,means its delicious taste for coping,I procastinate a lot and I am very lazy  ,is it his result of childhood trauma,I want to have good future ,I want to do MBBS,how should I heal myself?,in our area mental illness is considered taboo,my parents don't understand, they don't take me to psychologist or psychatrist, they don't feel safe about them ,what should I do?