Hello, I m so sorry for all the pain and suffering caused to you. I can understand why you feel life is so unfair. But you need to know it's not your fault. You're not to be blamed for any of this.
Next Steps
This may seem really tough but you really need to open up and talk about your fears and your trauma. Get in touch with a Psychologist/counsellor. With the right guidance and therapy, it is possible for you to get some clarity. It will help you to move past the feeling of guilt and anger.
Health Tips
Please talk to someone soon.