Hello Friend, Good that you are seeking a help here. I can understand your suitation. Breaking your career and leading a  life with such compromise is causing you such frustration and depression. Sometimes life puts us in such suitations to complete some key priorities which you can't avoid. But that's  not the end of the road. You can still pursue your dreams differently if you are able to control your emotions. Suggest you to take a guidance of counseling support to first vent out of your emotions and feelings. I am sure in such open discussions, you will be able see a different prepective about yourself and suitable solutions to explore and come out this boredom. Don't hesitate to ask for help. Choose online consultation which should be convenient and easy for your suitation.