You need to visit a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist

Hi, it looks like you are feeling stressed about your career and what you want to do. It also looks like you are passionate about something and you want to follow your passion. You can consult a psychologist with whom you can discuss your passion and the career direction you want to take. To get clarity about what you want to do in the future you can maintain a diary and write about your goals.

Dear Human, thank you for sharing your issue. We will work together and try to mitigate the concern. I totally understand what you must be going through, it really must be tough, but it’s not permanent. The factors which can be associated with your career decision-making could be anxiety, external locus of control, poor identity formation, and low self-esteem. Being indecisive keeps you stuck in a cycle of procrastination, worry, and fear. I get it, Decisions are hard. But, here are some tips which you can try to find your peace of mind and not get too overwhelmed and get a better mindset for your career goals: Pay attention to your emotions Take your time Think strategically Ask who are you trying to please Banish your perfection mindset Let go of your bad decisions Visualize positive and possible outcomes Do your research. Gather information to make an educated decision. What you think something might be like may not be what it's like in reality. ... Let go of the myth of perfection. I know, I know. Easier said than done. ... When in doubt, get quiet. You can try these, if these tips still don’t work for you, you can always get back to us and talk to you by booking an appointment and we are here to help you go through your confusion and you can talk here freely without any place for judgment in a safe place. Take care

I suggest you to consult a psychological Counselor for a therapy to get some clarity and understanding about yourself and about your future life...

It seems to be a confusional state and seems like you lack motivation to look for job. Clearing course of engineering and reading philosophical stuff indicates that you have good understanding of things.Just introspect where do you wanna see yourself after 5years,set short term goals try to do something on daily basis to achieve them....you need consistency in your efforts,try to find a direction and go about it.