It sounds like you're going through a challenging and emotionally exhausting situation with your daughter. It's clear you care deeply about her well-being, and the difficulties you're facing are understandable given her current behavior and your emotional response to it.
From a psychological perspective, your daughterâs behavior could be related to her need for social connection and validation from her peers. Crying when others don't play with her or when they leave her could be a way for her to express her frustration, loneliness, or sense of rejection. Children at her age can struggle with social boundaries, and some may develop a tendency to cling to others when they are unable to regulate their emotions effectively. Unfortunately, some children may take advantage of this emotional vulnerability, which likely increases her distress.
Your own emotional exhaustion and frustration are completely valid, and it's natural to feel irritated when you're overwhelmed. However, physical punishment, such as hitting or shouting, often leads to an escalation of negative feelings in children, like fear or confusion. It may also exacerbate the cycle of emotional withdrawal and physical changes you are noticing in her, such as weight loss or thinness.
Next Steps
Try the tips given in the answer and also, seek professional help!
Health Tips
Here are some strategies that might help break this cycle: Understand Her Emotional Needs: Recognize that her crying is a signal of her emotional distress rather than a behavior to punish. It's important to validate her feelings by acknowledging how sad or upset she feels when the other children donât play with her. Let her know that itâs okay to feel sad, but itâs also important to learn how to manage those emotions. Set Boundaries with Compassion: Gently set clear and consistent boundaries around her behavior. Let her know that itâs okay to ask other children to play, but she must also respect their decision if they donât want to. Use positive reinforcement when she respects othersâ boundaries. For example, "I see youâre feeling upset, but itâs important to listen to others when they say no." Model Healthy Emotional Regulation: Children learn a lot from observing their parents. If you express your own feelings in a calm and controlled manner, she will start to learn how to manage her emotions more effectively. Instead of reacting with anger, try to express your feelings through statements like, âI understand you want to play with your friends, but itâs not okay to cry when they canât play.â Promote Healthy Social Skills: Encourage her to develop other ways to initiate play. Teach her how to ask others to play politely, and help her build self-confidence in her ability to make friends by encouraging activities she enjoys. It might be helpful to have her involved in activities where social interaction is structured, like group games or classes that require cooperative behavior. Ensure Proper Nutrition and Physical Activity: The weight loss you are noticing could be linked to stress and emotional exhaustion, so ensuring that sheâs eating enough balanced meals and getting enough sleep is important. Stress can significantly affect a childâs appetite and physical health. Encourage a routine that includes healthy meals, snacks, and physical playtime. Seek Support for Yourself and Her: Parenting in such situations can be incredibly draining. Seeking support, whether through a counselor, support group, or even a trusted friend, can provide you with emotional respite and strategies to cope with your frustration. Additionally, considering a child psychologist or counselor for your daughter could help her build coping skills and social resilience. Practice Self-Compassion: As a mother, you are doing your best, but it's also okay to acknowledge that this is difficult. Parenting is full of ups and downs, and itâs important to treat yourself with kindness and understanding during tough moments.