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Anger on Husband every now and then
Hi 28f...After marriage I have faced too much torture from in laws and husband ...husband never supported me it's 4 years of marriage we have 10000 of fights he hitting me breaking my hand me hitting him back .Having 2 years old baby boy he will be shivering while we are fighting...I am unable to forget how he left me and my son for 4 years just to fulfill his parents and brother and sisters wishes .my parents never supported me I have faced so much humiliation..I used to work before marriage but they stopped me from working demanding salary from me else to quit my job.Even if he tells he will look after me nicely he isn't supporting me anytime instead he is just telling words but no actions.I am unable to believe him and forget the past .I don't want my kid to face all these he might become depressed bcz of all these in future as I was due to my parents fights....Plz help me forget all past ...
Answers (10)
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Hi,
In this situation anger is justified .
But for few seconds see this entire situation as a coin . Coin has two facets , right ....so now till now you were focused on one facet of coin .
You were looking on life and experiencing all things from one angle .
Now try to shift your focus or try to flip coin , move and change your angle.
Now look at this whole episode that took place from a deeper , bigger perspective.
Sure husband or wife can do something and we become angry , it's not something we planned, it just happened.
But what do we do next is up to us , not up to our spouse.
Spouse says something or does something --- emotion pops up. He does not plants this emotion , it is yours.
WE FEEL WE ARE STUCK WITH OUR EMOTIONS
AND WE CAN,T DO ANYTHING .
BUT RESPONSE ACKNOWLEDGES THAT EMOTIONS ARE REAL , WE CAN CHOOSE WHAT WE DO WITH THEM.
TAKE OWNERSHIP OF ANGER WE ARE FREE TO MOVE FORWARD IN HEALTHY WAY.
Next Steps
focus on what you can change.
# when we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.
Health Tips
# when we spend time focusing on faults of others we don't have time to work on our own.
# working the deep seated issues in a marriage can take time and even require professional help.
# BUT TAKE OWNERSHIP OF OWN EMOTIONS.
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Hi
I understand you are going through difficult time in marriage. You are dealing with an abusive husband who is making you and your two year old son feel extremely stressed. You want your kid to have a happy life and you are not getting support from your parents. To feel better you can consult a psychologist and talk about the tough times you are facing in your marriage. It is important to know if you and your kid are feeling secure. A psychologist will listen to you and support you.
Next Steps
You can contact me for counseling session
Health Tips
Consult a psychologist.
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Hi you can connect with me for marriage counseling.. Communication and boundaries are very important in relationship. To need further help connect with me at seven eight nine two seven zero five four seven seven.my fees ia nominal three hundred rupees.
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Hi... You yourself has been a victim of witnessing quarrel between your parents and possibly a poor marital relationship as well. Your childhood fears and insecure brought up may be interfering with your own marriage and relationship with your in-laws.
I am aware of the dynamics you described above and have worked on several such cases. Please understand this, in a marital situation everyone is little insecure and tend to perceive others actions as deceptive and manipulative.
But the situation becomes worse when everyone becomes insecure and starts operating from their fears. In this kind of situation, someone has to act with conviction and demonstrate security. So that others may also do the same.
As, Therapists we do not take sides. We work upon people who are willing to change themselves. And that eventually changes their situation.
Next Steps
Consult a Psychologist.
Marital Counselling/ Family Counselling is required.
Health Tips
Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Senior Psychologist
Cell: nine six seven one three zero three one three four
Website: https://gunjanmaithil.wixsite.com/therapy
App: http://wix.to/fECHB08?ref=cl
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Successful marriages are all about healthy communication and listening to each other. However, it's not uncommon for couples to experience periods when talking to each other becomes a challenge and listening is absent. When one or both of you are not responsive, you may have a problem. If the lack of listening continues, it could be a sign that your marriage is in jeopardy.
As you think about the possible causes of this ignoring behavior, be sure to consider how well you are listening and holding space for your partner as well. Remember, it's easy to blame your spouse, but often, faulty communication is a two-way street.
A listening problem in a relationship could be related to many different issues. Common contributing factors include your (or your partner's) method of delivery, personal issues that make either of you unable or unwilling to listen, or some combination of these elements.
If you feel your partner isn't listening, it's worth telling them that. Don't assume they know what you're thinking. They may have no idea that you're feeling ignored.
Next Steps
Interpersonal therapy and counselling
Contact me through online consultation for further assistance.
Health Tips
Your Method of Delivery
Often, the way we say things is just as important as what we're saying. A negative, argumentative tone, roundabout speaking, and/or passive-aggressiveness are just a few of the ways you may be inadvertently sabotaging your conversations.
Excessive Negativity
Does your spouse complain that you are always complaining, whining, or speaking negatively? You may feel justified or think that's their way of deflecting attention on their own negativity. Either way, consider your tone and the way you address the topics you bring up. Even if you're "right," maybe there is a way to discuss the issue in a less accusatory, more positive (or at least neutral) way.
Always focusing on the negative (even when it's justified) can cause others to tune you out. Instead, try focusing on solutions rather than dwelling on problems.
Additionally, rather than simply making accusing statements, such as "You did" this or that, use "I feel" statements to move the conversation into different territory. For example, "I feel ignored when you don't listen to me" is likely to be more effective at getting your partner's attention than just saying, "You never listen."
Reactiveness
Another key reason your spouse may be putting you on mute is if you have a history of overly reactive conversations. They may think you try to push their buttons or just dislike that your talks tend to quickly escalate from calm discussion to argument. Not listening could be a way that they cope or attempt to avoid these reactive fights.
If you find yourself struggling not to become reactive, try taking a breath before speaking or try counting to 10 in your head while you figure out what you really want to say—and consider alternative meanings to what you just heard from your partner before jumping to conclusions. Pause and take a break if either of you gets too angry to continue talking productively. Remember that you love each other.
The goal of your conversations should be to learn about, support, and listen to each other—not simply to win
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