Hello Friend, Good that you are seeking a help here. I can understand your suitation. You are distrubed emotional and thats reflecting through negative thoughts and actions. Your husband may be having some physical health condition which he is trying to show as an problem on you. I don't whether you have done any medical check up all these years. You need to consult a marriage or psychology counselor to ventilate your emotions, feelings and concerns.. In that process you will also explore yourself self and plus & minus within your self and ways to control your emotions and feelings.. Surely a suitable solution can be worked out.