Hi These sound like very severe suicidal ideations. The first and only step that you need to take right now is to visit a psychiatrist and start on medications as that would help gain control over such negative thoughts. And the second foremost step would be to visit a counselor and talk about your thoughts while you are on medications as that would help you get suggestions for controlling such negativity. You should be taking these steps ASAP. Also, never be alone until you are back to being in a emotionally stable state.