You are too young and have a lot of negativity in your mind . From what you have written , I assume that you are not able to cope up with the situation . In such s case it is best to take advice from a professional and resolve the issues in your kind logically
Next Steps
Meet a psychologist and discuss . This will give you clarity on your thoughts . And will also help you cope up with the trauma
Health Tips
If you cannot visit a psychologist , take an online consultation. I'm willing to help ,