Hey dear, there’s nothing to be ashamed about what you are feeling. In fact you need care and attention especially if you are feeling suicidal. It’s ok to sometimes lose the sense of purpose but it is important to remind yourself of your purpose, in your case, your education right now. Try setting short term goals for now and achieve them one by one ultimately leading to the achievement of your long term goal. You will need to seek help of a mental health professional and for that you need to speak to your parents and help them understand what you are going through.