Articles on sexual fantasy

Psychology of Sexual Response

Dr. Ramesh Maheshwari, Sexologist
One of the qualities of human being is its capacity to be modified by its experience. The process is known as learning & conditioning. Most of the aspects of human sexual behavior appear to be the product pf learning and conditioning. As individual may prefer a particular type of individual as sexual partner-tall/short, younger/older single /variety of partners, heterosexual /homosexual ,petting/immediate coitus, single/variety of positions.Flagellation Masochism, Transvestism and variety of fetishes appear to be the products of conditioning fortified by some other aspects of personality and by inherent capacities.So called aberrant types of behavior meaning the less usual types of conditioned responses may be disadvantageous, but they are of social concern.  The classification of behavior as normal or abnormal represents moralistic Classification rather than any scientific one. Once known as perversion was later called as Deviation and now as variation.Individuals become erotically aroused when they observe other individuals engaging in sexual activity. Most males are likely to respond quite immediately to such stimuli to come to erection and to seek the opportunity for sexual activity. These are Sympathetic Response. The restriction which the human societies place upon the public performances of sexual act arose from attempt to control the sympathetic response of the bystanders.Males are more often conditioned by their sexual experience than females. There is tremendous variation in which different individuals may be affected by psychological stimuli females differ from average males. Females masturbate without associated sexual fantasies while all males do fantasize while masturbating. Females never had sexual drams while they slept while all the males have nocturnal sex dreams. Males are erotically aroused by seeing photographs or paintings of nudes are produced primarily for consumption of males. There are no male/female nude photographs or magazines produce for consumption of females. Heterosexual males are aroused by observing females breasts, genitalia or some other part of  the females body while most of the females are not aroused by observing male genitalia. Males are inclined to initiate a sexual relationship trough genital stimulation. Most females prefer to be stimulated tactilely in various other parts of the body before the activity is concentrated on the genitalia. It is complaint of married females that the husband is interested in nothing but intercourse. On the other hand it is a constant complaint of married male that his wife will do nothing to him which means that she does not tactilely stimulate his genitalia.Many males have their sexual activities where there is some light. Male is stimulated by seeing genitalia or other parts of the body of sexual partner while females are much less attracted by observing the male partner genitalia. Females do not prefer light during their sexual activity.   Many husband fail to comprehend that their wives may need general physical stimulation before they are sufficiently aroused and aroused and want a genital union.Males are erotically stimulated by seeing pornographic literature or films, while females are not stimulated by the same. Females like to deal with general emotional situations affectional relationship and love.Wall inscriptions in public toilet provide information on extent and nature of the suppressed sexual desires of males and females sexual material on the walls of male toilet are drawings slang words phrases or genitalia. In female toilet walls the inscriptions referred to love associated names lipstick impressions or drawings of hearts; but no genital action inscriptions are observed.Many males marry so as to have an opportunity to have coitus regularly with their wife; while an average female marries to establish a home to establish a long term affect ional relationship with her spouse and to have children whose welfare becomes the prime business of her life.Average male has a greater need than for females for regular and frequent sexual outlet.It is difficult for the males to understand that females are not aroused by seeing male genitalia. Many males conclude that she is no longer in love with him. On the contrary many females feel that their husbands are vulgar or perverted because they want to display their genitalia. Difficulties develop in marital relationship because of this failure of females to understand male psychology, and of males to understand female psychology. 

Sexual Response Cycle in Males

Dr. Ramesh Maheshwari, Sexologist
Men and woman, with some sexually arousing stimulus, proceed through orgasm and end with a return of the body to a sexually unstimulated state. This is described in four stages: Excitement, Plateau, Orgasm, and Resolution. There is no sharply defined moments when one stage ends and the next begins. Each phase merges with the next phase.ExcitementMen: Erection of penis, marked increase in its size, and a rise in its angle. Erection may be triggered by penis itself or by sexually stimulating sight, smell or thought. It occurs in 3 to 8 seconds.A small penis may double in length, while in a large penis lengthening is less marked.Partial elevation and increase in the size of testes.Plateau Full erection of penis. Increase in size and full elevation of testes. Little secretion from Cowper’s glands appears at the Urethral meatus.OrgasmOrgasm occurs in two distinct stages. In the first stage the Vas deferens, the prostate and Seminal vesicles begin a series of contractions that forces semen into the bulb of the urethra. The man experiences a sensation of ‘Ejaculatory inevitability –the feeling of having reached brink of control. At this point ejaculation cannot be stopped. In the second stage of orgasm contraction of urethra and penis combined with contraction in the prostate to cause ejaculation (spurting of semen out of tip of penis). During ejaculation the neck of the urinary bladder is tightly shut to avoid any mixture of semen and urine. The rhythmic contractions of prostate, the perineal muscles and the penis occur initially at 0.8 seconds intervals.Male orgasm and ejaculation are not one and the same process. Although the two occur simultaneously, orgasm refers to muscular contraction and release of sexual tension, while ejaculation refers to the release of semen. Orgasm without ejaculation is common in boy before puberty.ResolutionMan is not able to have multiple orgasms. Immediately after the ejaculation man enters a ‘refractory period’ during which further orgasm or ejaculation is impossible. Usually the erection subsides quickly. There is grate variability in the duration of refractory period. It may last from few minutes to many hours. This period gets longer with each repeated ejaculation. As the man gets older, the refractory period gets longer. The period of return to the unaroused state is called the ‘resolution phase’. The anatomical and physiological changes that occurred during excitement and the plateau phase reverse. Blood is pumped out of penis and therefore loss of erection. The testes decrease in size and descend in scrotum.

Sexual Problems in Men

Dr. Rahman, Sexologist
Sexual problems in menFortunately, most sexual problems are treatable, so it is important to share your concerns with your partner and doctor.What causes sexual problems?Sexual dysfunction can be a result of a physical or psychological problem.Physical causes: Many physical and/or medical conditions can cause problems with sexual function. These conditions include diabetes, heart and vascular ( blood vessel) disease, neurological disorders, hormonal imbalances, chronic diseases such as kidney or liver failure, and alcoholism and drug abuse. In addition, the side effects of certain medicines, including some antidepressant medication, can affect sexual desire and function.Psychological causes: These include work-related stress and anxiety, concern about sexual performance, marital or relationship problems, depression, feelings of guilt, and the effects of a past sexual trauma.Who is affected by sexual problems?Both men and women are affected by sexual problems. Sexual problems occur in adults of all ages. Among those commonly affected are those in the older population, which may be related to a decline in health associated with ageing.How do sexual problems affect men?The most common sexual problems in men are ejaculation disorders, erectile dysfunction, and inhibited sexual desire.What are ejaculation disorders?There are different types of ejaculation disorders, including:Premature ejaculation -- This refers to ejaculation that occurs before or soon after penetration.Inhibited or retarded ejaculation -- This is when ejaculation is slow to occur.Retrograde ejaculation -- This occurs when, at orgasm, the ejaculate is forced back into the bladder rather than through the urethra and out the end of the penis.In some cases, premature and inhibited ejaculation are caused by a lack of attraction for a partner, past traumatic events and psychological factors, including a strict religious background that causes the person to view sex as sinful. Premature ejaculation is often is due to nervousness over how well a man will perform during sex. Certain medications, including some anti-depressants, may affect ejaculation, as can nerve damage to the spinal cord.Retrograde ejaculation is common in males with diabetes who suffer from diabetic neuropathy (nerve damage). This is due to problems with the nerves in the bladder and the bladder neck that allow the ejaculate to flow backwards and into the bladder. In other men, retrograde ejaculation occurs after operations on the bladder neck or prostate, or after certain abdominal operations. In addition, certain medicines, particularly those used to treat mood disorders, may cause problems with ejaculation. This does not generally require treatment unless it impairs fertilityWhat is erectile dysfunction?Also known as impotence, erectile dysfunction is defined as the inability to attain and/or maintain an erection suitable for intercourse. Causes of erectile dysfunction include diseases affecting blood flow, such as atherosclerosis (narrowing of the arteries); nerve disorders; psychological factors, such as stress, depression, and performance anxiety (nervousness over his ability to sexually perform); and injury to the penis. Chronic illness, certain medications, and a condition called Peyronie's disease (scar tissue in the penis) can also cause erectile dysfunction.What is inhibited sexual desire?Inhibited desire, or loss of libido, refers to a decrease in desire for, or interest in sexual activity. Reduced libido can result from physical or psychological factors. It has been associated with low levels of the hormone testosterone. It also may be caused by psychological problems, such as anxiety and depression; medical illnesses, such as diabetes and high blood pressure; certain medications, including some anti-depressants; and relationship difficulties

Sexual Problems in Men

Dr. Rahman, Sexologist
Many men have sexual problems. They become more common as men age. Problems can include:• Erectile dysfunction• Reduced or lost interest in sex• Problems with ejaculation• Low testosteroneStress, illness, medicines, or emotional problems may also be factors. Occasional problems with sexual function are common. If problems last more than a few months or cause distress for you or your partner,The main types of male sexual dysfunction are:• Erectile dysfunction (difficulty getting/keeping an erection)• Premature ejaculation (reaching orgasm too quickly)• Delayed or inhibited ejaculation (reaching orgasm too slowly or not at all)• Low libido (reduced interest in sex)How does sexual dysfunction affect men?The most common problems men face with sexual dysfunction are troubles with ejaculation, getting and keeping an erection, and reduced sexual desire.Ejaculation disordersProblems with ejaculation are:• Premature ejaculation (PE) — ejaculation that occurs before or too soon after penetration• Inhibited or delayed ejaculation — ejaculation does not happen or takes a very long time• Retrograde ejaculation — at orgasm, the ejaculate is forced back into the bladder rather than through the  end of the penisThe exact cause of premature ejaculation (PE) is not known. While in many cases PE is due to performance anxiety during sex, other factors may be:• Stress• Temporary depression• History of sexual repression• Low self-confidence• Lack of communication or unresolved conflict with partnerWhile male sexual dysfunction cannot be prevented, dealing with the causes of the dysfunction can help you better understand and cope with the problem when it happens. To help maintain good sexual function:• Follow your doctor’s treatment plan for any of your medical/health conditions• Limit your alcohol intake• Quit smoking• Communicate better and more often with your partner

Male Masturbation

Dr. Ramesh Maheshwari, Sexologist
DefinitionMasturbation is deliberate self-stimulation, which affects sexual arousal.In Males:About 94 percent males are involved in masturbation which leads to orgasm. Some individual do not masturbate because they do not have sufficient sex drive. There are some slow reacting individuals who find it impossible to effect orgasm in masturbation. Where adults discovered the activity in children, they are reprimanded or punished, made a public exhibition of the offence which can upset the child’s peace of mind.Masturbation provides the chief source outlet in early adolescence.There are few males who masturbate only once or twice in their lives;  and other are who have frequencies that may average seven to twenty or more in a week for long periods of years. There are few males who are still masturbating at 75 years of age.Masturbation after marriage is confined to those periods when wife is away. Sometimes masturbation is product of the fact that wife does not want sexual relations as frequent as male would like to have, or that periods of pregnancy, menstruation or illness interfere with regular intercourse.There are definite taboos against masturbation, with the explanation that it will drive you crazy, give pimples, make one weak, bend the penis, cause impotence, affect vision or do some other harm, more often masturbation is simply rejected because it is considered unnatural.Masturbation usually does not continue for more than a minute or two. Some individuals achieve orgasm in10-20 seconds. In males, masturbatory techniques are largely manual. Some boys masturbate by moving penis against a bed or against some other object. All males experience sexual fantasies during masturbation. Some use erotic pictures for stimulation during masturbation. Many individuals find some additional stimulation in observing their own genitalia.Boys learn to masturbate through friends or literature. Frequency of masturbation is inversely proportional to nocturnal emission. Males with high frequency of masturbation may have low rate of nocturnal emission and vice versa.Masturbatory activity does not do any harm to the individual. It is the conflict, fearful social disgrace, guilt-feeling that harms. It ultimate sexual capacities, occasionally attempting suicide. On the other hand masturbation provides a regular sexual outlet which alleviates nervous tension and body live a balanced life. There is no  evidence to prove that masturbation interferes with high mental physical or moral efficiency.There is tremendous individual variation in the capacity to engage in this sexual activity without undue fatigue. Therefore it is not possible to define excess. Secondary the AutonomicNervous system has control over the sexual activity. Like salivation or perspiration the response is adequate according to the stimulation.For most males, coitus is primary and masturbation is secondary. For young people masturbation is the chief source of sexual outlet up to the time of marriage. Masturbation is an alternative for coitus.

Trouble in the Bedroom?

Dr. Ramesh Maheshwari, Sexologist
You might be suffering from HYPOACTIVE SEXUAL DESIRE.Definition:Persistently or recurrently deficient (or absent) sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity.Sexual desire includes sexual dreams and fantasies, attention to erotic material,wishes of sexual activity, and noticing attractive partners. People withHypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder have low interest in initiating sexual behaviour and are unreceptive to partner’s sexual advances. Desire is referred as sex drive, libido or interest.Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder causes marked distress or interpersonal difficulty. It can be the consequences of emotional distress. General medical conditions may have deleterious effect on sexual desire due to pain, weakness or concern about survival. Depression is often associated with low sexual desire. Depression may precede or can be the consequence of deficient sexual desire. The couple may have marital dissatisfaction or disruption. The age of onset may be puberty or later on during adulthood. It may be continuous or episodic, depending on psychosocial or relationship factors. Abnormalities in bioavailable Testosterone and Prolactin may indicate hormonal disorder responsible for loss of sexual desire.Neurophysiological basis of sexual desire lies in limbic system of brain. Desire can be high,moderate or low or absent. It changes in relation t one’s sex, age, nature of up bringing, current relationship and other environmental factors. Genital excitement can be recognized by genital tingling, tumescence or lubrication,erotic dreams, nocturnal emission, partner seeking behaviour, masturbation anderotic fantasies. The hormone responsible or sexual desire in both sexes is Testosterone. Men are more sexually active at all ages than women. Female sex drive is less intense than male. Intercourse does not mean intense pleasure to a woman as to a man. The diagnosis of ‘Hypoactive Sexual Desire’ is arrived at when an individual shows low initiatory behaviour or persistently shows negative receptivity to sexual advances by the partner. Causes:Low Testosterone level.Low level of Thyroid hormones.High level of Prolactin.Cardiac, renal conditions.Diabetes.Chronic illness.Hostility, anger towards partner.Antipsychotic & antihypertensive drugs.Depression, Psychotic disorders.Childhood sexual abuse.Treatment:Basic sexual misinformation and destructive relationship can be treated by education and counselling. Supportive behaviour therapy helps to relieve performance anxiety. Couple should be advised sensate focus exercises (Mutually pleasuring.)

Why You Need Pillow Talk for Better Sex

Priyadarshini Pant
Sex, no matter how stigmatized and alienated it is in the society it remains one of the most important, common and favorite of all the life experiences across species. Great sex doesn’t come easy it takes some Chit Chat Sessions.Sadly this much needed practice barely exists in the bedrooms. Talking about sex becomes essential if a couple wishes to have an enriching and mutually satisfying sexual relationships. Sex Therapists have frequently documented a lack of or even absence of communication about sex between the partners. Partners usually introverts and female partners feel shy, guilty and even scared when it comes to expressing their needs, likes and dislikes. For the most part these feelings are the result of the social taboos, and gender role stereotypes.As a Psychotherapist I keep receiving messages and emails asking various questions. Some of the most common questions are about how do I understand my partner’s needs? How can I make my partner talk about sex? How to inquire if she likes what I do or how to make her speak about what she wants me to do with her?After reading numerous emails two things suddenly struck my mind, first there are those who have trouble interacting freely with their partners. second, there are many responsible partners struggling to establish an open, respecting and comfortable relationship.This article is for all those wise people who believe in effective pillow talk that may work wonders with their sex lives. Read to find out how:OPENING THE DOORS: If your partner is reserved, shy or isn’t comfortable discussing sexual matters give him/her some time. One may resist the urge to jump start the discussions about the wild fantasies, or the reckless sexual experiences and begin with casual talks, asking about your partner’s mood, health, day, work etc. Make your partner comfortable, and give them the required space. This facilitates warmth in a relationship and brings people close. This way partners get to know each other better, and feel emotionally connected which in turn makes it easier for both of the partners to know each other deeply, feel open and concerned about the other partner and enjoy the conversations with each other. This opens the door for frank, free and intimate conversations.REMAINING PATIENT: Patience is the key to bedroom discussions. Sometimes a partner doesn’t respond to the other partner’s initiatives. This is usually perceived as indifference and disinterest which may not always be the case. One may expect their partners to respond and be spontaneous in conversations however depending on your partner’s thought process and emotional state it may be helpful to give them the required time to verbalize their minds. Patiently waiting for their responses and even changing the topic to something else if your partner isn’t comfortable are subtle cues that help your partner realize that you understand them, care for them and that they’re with a safe person. This feeling of security helps them respond and even initiate the discussions freely.DISCUSSING THE FEARS, FEELINGS & TABOOS: It is essential to understand what makes your partner shy away from discussing the sexual matters. A young couple in distress came for marital therapy. The man felt dissatisfied in the relationship because his wife didn’t respond to his seductive and erotic moves, she didn’t guide him when he asked her about how she felt and remained like a dummy. On interview with the wife it was found that she was overwhelmed by shame whenever her husband asked her about how she felt, she also felt confused if she should respond to her husband’s questions and if she has the right to feel the pleasure, she admitted "I try to be blank when he is close. I think he might think bad of me if he gets to know I enjoyed sex" Taking a dive into your partner’s mind to understand their fears, insecurities, and confusions saves a relationship from unwanted troubles.GAINING TRUST: A man recently wrote to me about his relationship difficulty with his girlfriend. His issue was that he wanted to keep his conversations, meetings, fights and makeups with his girlfriend personal whereas his girlfriend used to tell everything to her friends and even post the details on the social media. He had requested her to cut down on this practice and keep the personal affairs private but she didn't seem to understand. This left him frustrated and even confused about continuing with the relationship. Sometimes the partners are not able to discuss their deep desires and not willing to go forward in the relationship due to the perceived lack of trust or insecurities. The fear that you might share their secrets with others thus partners should be sensitive enough to each others emotional needs. It is the responsibility of a partner to make sure that the other partner feels safe in a relationship. Some people wish to keep their private lives secret and thus ensuring the need for privacy (not discussing your bedroom lives in public, and avoiding to record intimate scenes etc.) should be the top priority for both the partners. BEING RESPECTFUL & ACCEPTING: It is important to remain respectful and accepting. I remember a male client who was utterly disturbed after an interaction with his girlfriend a night before. The couple started playing the game wherein they had to share their intimate details. Gathering a lot of courage this boy shared a very personal detail with his partner. Contrary to what he had expected the partner started laughing at him, made fun of him and even called him names. This experience was so humiliating for the client that he started avoiding girls, fearing relationships and staying quiet. One should be very careful about their actions and reactions when your partner shares something private with you. Respect the faith that they’ve shown in you and appreciate their courage. SHARING SEXUAL FANTASIES & PREFERENCES: This involves spending a good time together simply telling and listening to your partner about the sexual fantasies, likes and dislikes. This is the process of knowing each other however you or your partner shouldn’t feel obliged to act on the fantasies immediately without being sure about them . Such conversations allow better understanding of each other, their comfort zones, figuring out common interests, feeling emotionally connected and concerned, cooking up your thoughts for the night and even spicing up your mood to try something new.PROCEEDING WITH MUTUAL CONSENT: Whatever you try in your bedroom, make sure both, you and your partner are comfortable doing it. Also remember to ask your partner if they are willing to proceed or not. Such inquiries communicate concern, respect and help your partner open up and feel free. On the other hand anything forced may lead to emotional damage and rupture in the relationship.OVERCOMING DISABLING EMOTIONS: Shame and guilt are common emotions. All of us experience them at some point or another, especially in the bedrooms between the sheets. It is not rare to feel anxious before, during or after you undress in front of a person, fear their judgments about you, your skills, your body, feeling ashamed in expressing yourself, guilt of not being able to match their expectations etc. Shame, fear, anxiety and guilt together complicate the matter and make it difficult for a person to feel the passion, enjoy the moment and use creativity. It may take a while for your partner to overcome the burden of these disabling emotions and enjoy the ride of candid conversations with you. Sex is much more than just a biological act. It is the manifestation of your Psyche, it gets better with deep emotional connection and desirable understanding. Couples  plan some cozy pillow talk sessions and experience the difference. Don't Just Have Sex, Make Love!!

Things You Must Know About Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Dr. Parmjit Singh Walia, Dermatologist
Over the last few years, a lot of patients have been coming to our clinic who are actually not suffering from HIV or any other sexually transmitted disease but are still struggling to find a solution to their problems related to their private parts. A major part of their suffering is rather related to reading a lot of database from Google or finding tedious ways to treat them with naturopathy. The fear of getting a sexually transmitted infection (STI) is the one that perpetuates the vicious cycle of existence of these "NOT SO TALKED ABOUT"diseases. STIs are very common and easily transmitted through sexual contact. Many STIs are curable and all are treatable, but the only way to know if you have one is to talk about them, consult a dermatologist and get yourself tested if required.Common Symptoms of STIs:Talking to your doctor about your sex life might seem too personal to share but ideally seeing a dermatologist takes you to the fast track of solution of the problem. Here are some common symptoms that may alert you to the presence of an STI:Pain and/or burning sensation when urinating Discolored, smelly, or particularly heavy discharge Abnormal vaginal discharge Warts, lesions, or sores in the genital area Rash or itching in the genital area Painful intercourseLower abdominal pain, fatigue & Low back pain (females)Q: How can you protect yourself ? A: Protecting yourself sexually involves not only learning about STIs but practicing safer sex every time you engage in any sexual activity.Avoid or minimize direct oral, anal and genital contact by using a barrier method correctly and consistently. Avoidance of impulsive intercourse with a complete stranger Form a trusted, honest, and communicative relationship. Always examine your partner for any wart, ulcer or any other obvious lesion on the genital parts Limit your number of sexual partners. Talk to your partner about your STI status. Include STI testing as part of your regular medical check up. Learn the common symptoms of STI’s. Do not use drugs or alcohol in potentially intimate situations as they can inhibit your ability to make decisions and may affect your dexterity. Get vaccinated for Hepatitis B and C. Get vaccinated for HPV if you are a woman between the ages of 9 and 26.Q: How do you get tested for STIs? A: There is no one test for all STIs. Get yourself examined by a dermatologist and get the tests recommended as it saves money and avoid unnecessary investigations.Q: How are STIs treated? A: The treatment depends on the type of STI. Only use medicines prescribed or suggested by your doctor. There are products sold over the Internet that falsely claim to prevent or treat STIs but the safety of these products is not known. Consult your dermatologist to speak about how you can protect yourself or to get tested and treated accordingly.

Female Sexual Disorder & the Current Thinking Internationally!

Dr. Sharmila Majumdar, Sexologist
Sexual dysfunction is broadly defined as the inability to fully enjoy sexual intercourse. The disorder must be deemed to have caused significant distress. In addition to the existing specifiers of lifelong vs acquired & generalized vs situational, a new severity scale was added: the disorder can be described as mild, moderate or severe.A new criteria called “associated features” was introduced. It is subdivided into 5 categories: Partner factors (e.g., partner sexual problem; partner health status); Relationship factors (e.g., poor communication); Individual vulnerability factors (e.g., poor body image; history of sexual or emotional abuse), psychiatric comorbidity (e.g., depression; anxiety), or stressors (e.g., job loss; bereavement);Cultural or religious factors (e.g., inhibitions related to prohibitions against sexual activity); andMedical factors relevant to prognosis.Causal Factors in Sexual Dysfunction - predisposing factors, precipitating factors and maintaining factors.About 43% of women and about 31% of men have experienced sexual dysfunction based on several surveys. This makes sexual dysfunction one of the most common psychological problem.Specific techniques to overcome some of the disorder symptoms are to increase communication between the couple, increase self understanding and sensate focus exercises will help the couple Immensely alleviate some issues with immediate intervention and help of their doctor i.e. A sexologist or an andrologist.