A 32 year handsome professional man came with complains of reduced desire for sex and ED for 1 year. His was an arranged marriage with a good looking educated girl. He had a premarital affair with a girl for 3 years. They had sex 3 times a week . He was very happy with the sex life before marriage as the girl was " fully cooperative, experimental , had sex in different ways but his wife was very shy. She insisted to switch off lights before sex which made him very uncomfortable. Last 1 year was full of frustration and arguments . Sex was once in 15-20 days . Now they wanted to plan a baby so he came to me .
The problem was that he had poor communication with wife and was comparing his girl friend with her. Sex is not the romance and explosive as in movies. It is very different with girl friend because you have to wait for the opportunity, it is occupying top priority . You will meet her ,come what may but after marriage, the priority is different. You have to face nitty gritty of married life , complete many other jobs so sex is the last thing to be done in the day. if you don't grant priority to some thing, you are unlikely to enjoy. When his wife could not meet his expectations, he felt angry but never communicated this to his wife. this led to anxiety and avoidance. This further will worsen the sexual dysfunction
I suggested him to come with his wife. I suggested non demand pleasuring with psychotherapy . Shyness was reduced with encouragement and he started to have good erections with satisfactory sex life . They had sex once in full light and next in dim light