Articles on love addict

The 3 C's for Those Who Live With an Addict

Ms. Raisa Luther, Psychotherapist
It’s definitely not easy to live with an alcoholic or addict. Constant stress plagues your life. Negative emotions become a part of your daily experience – anger at the addict who doesn’t listen or seem to care, disappointment, fear, shame and guilt.The individual tries all sorts of control strategies to stop the alcoholic or addict from using his substance, but somehow the addict gets his (or her) stuff and gets high. It’s a never-ending battle, where the sober partner always loses. It is really frustrating, so say the least.So what does the partner do in such a scenario?The Three CsThe 3 Cs are:You Didn’t Cause ItYou Can’t Control ItYou Can’t Cure itYou didn’t Cause it: you are not the reason the alcoholic is drinking. Though he may accuse you of being the cause. Don’t fall for it. The alcoholic is drinking because, well, he is an alcoholic. He is blaming you so that you back off from stopping him.So stop feeling guilty. And put the responsibility where it belongs – on the shoulders of the addict.You can’t Control it: you may continue to try but if you look at your experience, it is easy to see that you cannot control his or her intake. The addict will get high, regardless of whatever strategy you may adopt to stop him for drinking or drugging.So why keep on doing something that is not working? Stop trying to control.You can’t Cure it: Addiction is a disease. It is primary, chronic and progressive. There is treatment available. So get professional help – contact a good rehab or addiction therapist and hand over the treatment part to someone who has the experience and competency to treat this disease.Stop trying to ‘cure’ the addict – all your ‘treatments’ are likely to fail. Seek professional support.If you understand the 3 Cs, you will not only be able to help your addicted loved one, but also start a healing process for yourself. Get out of the trap laid by the addict and get some serenity back into your life!

Addicted to an Addict? Break the Habit- Here's How!

Ms. Raisa Luther, Psychotherapist
The family members of an alcoholic also get ‘addicted’ – they spend as much time obsessing over the behavior of the alcoholic as the addict does over his drinking. He keeps worrying about where he is going to get his next drink; family worries about when he is going to drink next. He tries desperately to control his drinking; family members desperately try to control his drinking. If you are able to see this type of behaviour, you are ready to get on the road to changing your behaviors. Let’s try doing a small quiz to see if you have an obsession problem. Do you ever chase the alcoholic, searching for his or his car? When the alcoholic doesn't come home do you begin to analyze and check where they might be drinking?When you are near them do you try to smell if they have consumed alcohol? When they tell you they are working late or attending a meeting, do you obsess over whether they are telling the truth?Do you go through their things/ rooms to see if they are hiding the bottles somewhere?Do you experience constant anxiety and worry about when or where they will be drunk again? These are just a few of the things that will help you determine whether or not you are obsessing over the alcoholic in your life. It’s a habit that can be broken. Breaking the habit will require changing your way of thinking. Here are a few steps for breaking the habit of obsessing over an alcoholic. 1. Start attending Al-anon meetings in your neighborhood. Don’t just attend the meetings – make friends.2. Talk a lot on the phone to such friends.3. Start doing things that you enjoy and may have stopped due to your obsession with the alcoholic’s condition. 4. Go to the movies or mall, take long walks in the park or join a Yoga class. Just get busy enjoying life and stop worrying about what the alcoholic/addict is doing all of the time.5. Don’t look at the alcoholic when they walk in the door to see if they are drunk or not, and stop smelling them for signs of alcohol consumption. 6. Read books or browse the net when they come home to help you keep your attention on something other than them. 7. Let them go to live their life and then you start living yours. You are powerless over the alcoholic – you can’t change him with your obsessive control strategies. 8. Just go to sleep when the alcoholic doesn't come home late at night. There’s nothing you can do about it anyway. 9. Remind yourself that your obsession is not helping the situation. It is only causing more stress in you. 10. Get in touch with a professional rehab for alcohol de-addiction treatment. That way, you will bring some hope in your life and get some sound advice about dealing with the situation. The process of breaking the habit of obsessing over another’s behavior is going to take some work and time. This obsession is something that you did not suddenly fall into and it’s going to take time to get out of this habit. Just take it one day at a time and soon you will notice that you have not been obsessing about the alcoholic. After all, it is your life. Live it. See more at: http://www.hopetrustindia.com/content/obsessing-over-alcoholic-break-habit#sthash.c3FOOw42.dpuf

How Deep Is Your Love?

Dr. Era S. Dutta, Psychiatrist
Some people say, love is all about chemistry, while others say it's physics and then a whole a lot say it's biology. In my opinion, love is psychiatry. The emotions, the feelings, hormones, and thought process behind it prove my point.Psychiatry is often correlated with morbid themes, primarily like depression, psychosis, drugs, hospitals... And so on. Today, I want to talk about the lovely side of love. We all love someone. Our chemistry with our partner, our wants and needs determine the kind of love we have for them. Have we ever pondered that what kind of word can be used to describe our relationship with them. Lets see what kind of love you share with your partner.1. PASSIONATE LOVE Eros – Passionate physical and emotional love. We often correlate it to sexual contentment and security. 2. FRIENDSHIP wala LOVE Storge – The kind of love which grows slowly out of friendship. Things that bring us closer are similar interests. Comprises of care, compassion and heart to heart discussion.3. PRACTICAL LOVEPragma – Pragmatism. Based on the perceptions of practicality. The relationship in a "business-like" fashion and look for partners with whom they can share common goals. e.g Political marriages or contract marriages.4. GAMES THAT PEOPLE PLAY “Player”Ludus – Uncommitted type of love. To have fun with each other.To tease and do harmless pranks on each other. The developing of love and attention itself may be part of the game. Often used for men who refuse to commit or Playboys.5. PYAAR TUNEY KYA KIYAMania – To love like a manic. Obsessive and possessive.6. ONLY GIVING, NO DEMANDSAgape – Altruistic towards one's partner and feeling love in the acts of doing so. The person is willing to endure difficulty that arises from the partner's circumstances. It is based on an unbreakable commitment and an unconditional, selfless love. More like how Mother Teresa felt towards people.In general , men tend to be more lucid, whereas women tend to be storgic and pragmatic. However, relationships based on similar love styles are found to last longer. People often look for people with the same love style as themselves for a relationship.So, What's your equation with your partner?

What Is Love?

Ms. Raisa Luther, Psychotherapist
Love - the most written about, sung and discussed word in the world, since time immemorial. It's also one of the most used - abused word - in conversations. You love your phone, your car, your time alone.But what exactly does Love mean? Let's look at some of the different types of loves:Puppy loveAdolescents fall head over heels in this love. It's the first experience of the magical rush when the guy fall for the gal, or the other way around. Usually, this love doesn't last in it's intensity. But it does linger. They say our 'first love'  lasts for a lifetime. Who forgets their first?Romantic lovePerhaps the greatest of them all. It may cause major calamities such as wars, elopements, infidelities, even marriage! Tomes have been written in prose and verse. In the eyes of the beloved, the object of attraction is the most beautiful or handsome in the entire universe. Lovers have been inspired to create romantic poetry, paintings, songs and films. Whether its scrolling on monuments or creating tattoos, the lovers wish to immortalize their love. Mature loveIf the romantic love leads to marriage, it transforms into something deeper. The lover becomes a spouse and the love takes on new meaning. The partners now go through the trials and tribulations of living together - bringing up children and managing a house. This shared responsibility robs the relationship of its initial magic  and something more significant takes its place.The lover now becomes a person. As time goes by, the veneer wears off and the personality emerges. As the partners live together and share the ups and downs of life, they begin to accept each other's shortcomings and appreciate the assets. While the slim, sexy body gains flab and the rakish pate begins to bald, the bond between between the two lovers starts to deepen. Love has now matured.Divine loveAs personified by Meera, the lover is attracted to a divine entity. This leads to a person who imbibes in himself or herself the qualities of tolerance, compassion and service. It is a supreme connection between a human being and a Higher Power. In this case, love is divine. If you're in love, or have been in love some time in your life - you have experienced the greatest emotion there is. Love makes your head spin - and makes the world go round!

Is Your Loved One Addicted? Here’s What to Do

Ms. Raisa Luther, Psychotherapist
It is not all easy living under the same roof as an alcoholic or addict. The addict’s belligerent, abusive behavior can be very difficult to deal with. Every member of the family of the alcoholic gets affected – living in an inevitable, predictable pattern of dysfunction and denial.Learning to Live with an AddictThere are some common behavior and belief patterns in family members living with an individual who is abusing substances. These issues should be addressed before any attempt can be made to bring balance and harmony in the family:1. Denial – If you do not accept that your loved one is addicted to alcohol or drugs, you cannot take the next steps in addressing the addiction issue. This way, any hope of a harmonious relationship in the family is doomed from the start.2. Reaction – You need to stop reacting to the often erratic or provocative behavior of the addict. Your reaction should not trigger an escalation of the situation.3. Attitude – You must not demand that the alcoholic ‘improve’ his behavior. Stop lecturing or blaming the addict. Get professional help instead.4. Socialize – Do not stop your social life by isolating yourself from friends or avoiding enjoyable activities. If you isolate yourself, you may get further depressed or fatigued and will not be in a position to help the addict in a rational way when you are ready to do so. You will also not be able to develop the skills required to keep the family together in difficult times.5. Respect – All family members must respect each other as a rule. If the alcoholic or addict is abusive, he or she must be asked to get out of home. Similarly, if any other family member mistreats the alcoholic, he or she also needs to find another home. A home that does not respect the concept of love and respect has not hope for restoration. This is the time for ‘tough love’, not disrespect.Guidelines for Living with an Alcoholic or AddictWe all have different personalities, even differing belief systems. Still, we choose to live and thrive together. That’s what a family or society is, since time immemorial. However, living with an active alcoholic or addict needs reinforcement of the guidelines for living together:1. Do not try to control the alcoholic - you just cannot.2. Do not take over his or her responsibilities; you are invalidating the alcoholic as a person and not allowing him or her to face the consequences of their behavior.3. Do not think of yourself as a victim. You are not. You are an independent individual capable of taking care of yourself.4. Do not be an enabler by encouraging alcoholic behavior. This does not mean removing all alcohol or drugs from the addict’s presence. That has never worked. It means that you do not support the addiction by tolerating, rescuing or covering up for the addict.5. Do not try to force the addict to change. Change comes from within the person, not from without. Only when there is a felt need to change, will he or she begin the process of recovery.7. Do things for yourself. Take a break. Get involved in activities that are outside the constant trauma of chasing or worrying about the addictive behaviors at him. Join a self-help group such as Al-anon. Al-anon has helped many in similar situations and is invaluable in providing support and guidance to a family member of an alcoholic.8. Get professional help. Alcohol and drug rehabs are designed to provide support to the addict for sustained recovery. A good rehab will look at the whole family and facilitate recovery for each member by education and counseling.

Are You Addicted to Alcohol?

Dr. Naveen Jayaram, Psychiatrist
Alcohol is one of the most widely consumed substances in the world since thousands of years. It is also a potentially addictive substance. 30-40% of the Indian population consumes alcohol. Atleast 10% of these people get addicted to alcohol. 11-15% indulge in heavy and binge drinkingAlcohol is a brain depressant, hence it reduces our inhibitions. In small amounts, it might relieve stress and anxiety, but excessive consumption causes sedation, loss of balance etc. Alcohol addiction is a brain disease and it is a chronic relapsing condition. Prolonged alcohol use causes permanent changes in the brain structure and function, that can persist for years even after stopping.How do you know if you are addicted to alcohol?You have excessive desire to drink alcohol.You are unable to control the use, inspite of having medical or psychological complications.Nothing in your life other than alcohol gives pleasure to you.You are gradually consuming more quantity in order to get the same effect.Appearance of withdrawal symptoms due to reduction or stopping.Disturbed personal life and work functioningWithdrawal symptoms:Shaking of handsNausea/vomitingAnxiety/WeaknessIncreased pulse rate/sweatingHeadache/Disturbed sleepSevere withdrawal can cause fits, hallucination, altered sensorium.Effects of alcohol on your health:Liver damage - hepatitis and cirrhosisAtherosclerosis - thickening of blood vesselsAcute gastritis/pancreatitis - severe abdominal painDepression and other mental illnessDeath due to risk taking and reckless behaviorHow to quit drinking alcohol?Assess whether you are having problematic drinking - (physical damage to body, psychological problems, bad hangovers, blackouts etc.) Identifying and accepting you have a problem is always the first step.Understand that it is a brain disease and you might have lost control over it.Think about the pros and cons of drinking every time you feel the need to.Try to gradually reduce the quantity or number of drinking days.Avoid situations which will remind you about drinking.Keep yourself motivated. You will feel good about the change and improvement in your health.Take steps to prevent relapse once you have stopped drinking.Do not get upset if you relapse, relapse is expected.If addiction is severe and you are unable to quit alcohol, please seek consultation with professionals.

Decoding Rehabilitation for Addicted

Ms. Raisa Luther, Psychotherapist
Addiction treatment explainedAddiction rehabilitation means the medical or psycho-therapeutic treatment for dependency on psychoactive substances such as alcohol, prescription drugs, and street drugs.It implies that the individual reintegrates into the social fabric, after getting clean and sober. He becomes a responsible, productive member of the family and community.Now, that’s easier said than done!Rehabilitation Treatment – Starts at a RehabRehabilitation treatment for substance abuse (and other disorders such as eating and gambling) usually starts with admission into a competent rehabilitation facility. Subsequently, the client may experience ‘withdrawal’, which varies with the substance. Withdrawal may by physical as well as psychological. It is the uncomfortable symptoms emanating from withdrawal from the substance or addictive behavior. This is successfully managed by medicines and counselling.Denial – Get it out of the Way for Further TreatmentAfter withdrawal management, the next stage is addressing the denial of the client. The addict may be believing that he or she does not have a big problem (minimizing) or that he or she indulges in self-destructive behavior due to some external factor/s (rationalizing, justifying, blaming). Most addicts also believe that they are still in control, in spite of evidence to the contrary. They may believe that they really do not need external help or that a little help is adequate and the rest they can handle on their own.It is obvious that denial has to broken in order for rehabilitation treatment to work. Unless the addict can see the enormity and gravity of the problem, he will not willingly follow therapeutic directions.Denial breaking is usually achieved through interventions involving the family members and/or employers. These persons are briefed about the session by a trained counselor or interventionist. In brief, they remind the client about his behaviors and attitudes, how it has affected him and how it has impacted the family and employer. This is followed by them clearly laying down the consequences the person is going to face in case he does not change. Sometimes, interventions are conducted prior to admission if the individual is resisting treatment. Denial management is also reinforced by individual counselling and group therapy.This usually helps in the individual getting insight into his problem and becomes a motivating factor.Rehabilitation Treatment – Toward CHANGEThereafter, the individual undergoes a structured therapy program that may involve step work based on the 12 Steps of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy), individual and group sessions, psycho-educative inputs. Some rehabs supplement this with other therapies such as Yoga and meditation.Basically, rehabilitation means CHANGE. The individual needs to bring about a significant shift in his thinking, behavior and attitudes. This change empowers him or her to be able to join the stream of life and flow toward happiness and fulfillment.

Is Your Brain Addicted to Food?

Dr. Richa Garg, Ayurveda
Is Your Brain Addicted To Food?Given the current statistics on obesity and addiction in general, there is rising research about the potential link between the foods we consume and food addiction. There appears to be differences in individuals’ types of responses to environmental cues that influence the reward patterns in the brain.Many people persistently overeat despite considerable efforts to not do so! Experts are currently suggesting that our “obesogenic” food environment exposes people to high concentrations of addictive food substances – refined sweeteners, refined carbohydrates, fat, salt and caffeine, thus creating an environment in which they lose control over the ability to regulate intake.Food Addiction                                                          While there is no official definition for food addiction, some addiction researchers have defined it as:-Eating too much despite consequences, even those dire to health- Being preoccupied with food, food preparation and meals- Trying and failing to regulate food intake- Feeling guilty about eating and overeatingPeople with food addiction tend to display many of the same characteristics of those with  other substance addictions – they tend to have common brain chemistries and similar experiences of mood altering effects from  the consumption of certain foods. In fact the cage tool used for diagnosing alcoholism can be applied to food addiction:Feeling the need to Cut down on the behaviour - Feeling Annoyed with others’ comments and criticisms- Feeling Guilty about eating- Feeling a need for the food first thing upon awakening – an Eye-openerwhat can be done to treat and prevent food addiction? The    first thing to remember is that each person’s brain responds differently and it is very important to recognize individual variability, as  well as to look honestly at the potential for food addiction based on family history and personal history.From a food perspective, try the following:- Increase protein*  – 1 gram per kilo body weight- Increase fiber* – 3 grams or more per serving of grain food- Decrease sugar and all sweeteners, even sugar-free – 6 grams sugar or less per serving- Increase monounsaturated fats (olive and canola oils, avocado and nuts) and omega three fats (fish,  Decrease saturated and trans fats**)* Grehlin is a gut hormone that increases appetite.  Both protein and fiber inhibit grehlin.* *Leptin is a gut hormone that decreases appetite.  A high fat diet, especially one high in saturated and trans fats, will inhibit leptin.What about Super   Supplements?Supplements are usually a second tier of treatment when it comes to food addiction, but are nonetheless, very important in assisting in the process of creating balance biochemically. A few of the top supplements to consider include:1. Omega 3 fatty acids - assist in neurotransmitter communication and protection of the nerves in the brain.2. B complex vitamins - with folic acid ideally in the methyl tetrahydrofolate form for the bioavailable form of folate. B complex vitamins have a variety of functions including the assistance of positive mood and release of energy from food.3. 5-HTP (Hydroxytryptophan)* - an amino acid that is the precursor to serotonin, the “feel good” neurotransmitter, also known for appetite control.4. Amino Acids- including dl-Phenylalanine, L-Tyrosine, L-Glutamine* – assist with energy, mood and suppression of cravings.5. Chromium - a mineral that assists in glucose/insulin regulation. Helps with maintaining stable energy and blood sugar.Note: Caution must be used for people on psychoactive medications. As with any supplement, always discuss with your health care provider to cross-reference supplements and medications for interactions.While this may seem depressing to some, it actually is good news. Science is in a time of discovery about some of the reasons “why” people have such difficulty managing what should be simple – nourishment of our bodies with food. Food need not be the battle-field that it has become, but making changes toward a healthier diet is indeed a process – a process that need not be judged, but treated with compassion, understanding and a commitment to learn and listen to the language of the brain.

Every Day Is Bonus Love Eat Sex Sensibly(e D I B L E S) Says Dr Vaibhav Lunkad

Dr. Vaibhav Lunkad, Sexologist
Every day is bonus love eat sex sensibly(E d i b l e s) says Dr vaibhav LunkadEveryday is bonus-What matters is the letter A means attitude of activeness ,approachability, action, appreciative of all small and big things,asking,allowing to be as one is,animating feelings and thus by attitude "treat everyday as last and  a bonus for all of you especially both. Then naturally ease romance forgiving pleasuring starts and easy to maintain without daily sameness where boredom sets in and love and sex dries up.Love as if you got to do it all for the last and best time daily like a child and try and give your all without hesitation,procrastination,pride or prejudice and  no matter what is preoccupying your energy or attention.So take a cold water shower and give each other with cheer a glass of cow milk with ghee or your favorite drink and make up all the daily breakup or worn-outness in bed .Remember always that love making is the best exercise for all parts of the body and mind and need not always or must end in sex as cuddling and massaging also serves all the purposes a sexual intercourse gives and becomes less performance demanding which can be bothersome and cause of absence of romance in life.So just be the best childhood friends in bed and you will never play psychological games which destroy the very essence of understanding in marriage.Eat or drink very light and healthy foods as it is excess of unnecessary "filling in"  which is the root cause of obesity and dullness in life.Just fill in the emptiness of life or of each other by humor,laughter,jokes,songs,music,dance ,exercise,just holding each other closely ,hugging,patting etc.Eat away the ego and drink to be blessed to have this day in your life.Have SEX sensibly without hurting each other by small things like mouth or body smells,gases,pressures,stubbornness and you can do all things in a new funny friendly fully enjoyable way every day.Every day is bonus love eat sex sensibly(E d i b l e s) says Dr vaibhav Lunkad

A Time of Bliss With Your Partner

Mrs. Sneha Fernandes, Psychologist
Love is kind & it is not proud. Love is forgiveness & giving respect. Love sees no fault. Love builds up but does not tear down. Love endures & does not give up hope in relationship. LOVE NEVER FAILS. But in today's time! how many of the above hold true?Few things, we can inculcate in our daily lives to transmit love:1. Communicate respectfully.2. Giving importance and acknowledgement.3. Purposefully try to understand each other's feelings even in disagreement.4. Letting go of the small stuff. "We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. Either show interest in each others' hobbies or allow for space to participate freely." (Dave Ramsey)5. Protect each other's dignity on a daily basis.6. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.1. Picture of your mind.The romantic tragedy occurs when you view the person you are in love with as an image of what they have come to represent and then you realize that more often, you don’t really know your partner.2. Be open, flexible & learn from each other.The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. Specially, when you feel upset rather than blame your partner and point fingers try to reason out.3. Time for yourself. Accept that love can’t rescue you from being alone but learn to spend time being with yourself. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the framework of relationship, you will feel more complete, happy and whole.4. Don't win the fight & lose the battle. Some couples create separateness by fighting and then making up over and over again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating drama and avoiding real intimacy. If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, you’ll have a better sense of why you’re fighting and likely will fight far less.5.  Fill your heart with love.One thing that unites us is that we all long to be happy. This happiness usually includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create real intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good within you. It’s easier to recognize the good in your partner when you are connected to the good in yourself.6. Fix your mind on giving Genuine happiness is not about feeling good about ourselves because other people love us; it’s more about how well we have loved ourselves and others. The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.7. Don't hold onto the past You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else.Stop expecting & do what you want for yourself.