This is a case wherein a school counsellor for children referred parents to visit us. Navya (13) used to be a topper but lost interest and motivation with the passage of time. Her parents, Mr and Mrs Mehra, came to us for counselling.
During the counselling session, we observed that her parents – Rohan (37) and Neha (36) – had temperamental issues and differences in child-rearing practices. They had an arranged marriage 15 years ago, after a courtship period of 1 year; they found each other through an online matrimonial site.
Rohan belongs to a business family. He lived with his parents and younger sister. He wanted to join the army but due to his family, he gave up his dream. His father established the entire business and wanted him to join the business. His introvert and submissive nature made him follow in his father’s footsteps. He obediently agrees to whatever his father says, and has no say in decision-making. Even after marriage, he is financially dependent on his father.
On the other hand, Neha is quite an extrovert and has a dominant personality. She also belonged to a business family and was habitually a spendthrift with no responsibilities. She has no siblings and lived with her parents. She was a pampered child.
In further counselling sessions, we got to know that after marriage they faced a lot of compatibility issues because of their temperament. Rohan didn’t like his wife’s habit of spending money and disrespecting his parents. While Neha wants him to take a stand in front of his own parents. She also didn’t like his habit of asking money from parents. Rohan didn’t want to go against them by any means and wanted Neha, too, to seek their permission before doing anything. Neha was already having plenty of differences with the in-laws due to her careless nature.
In no time their communications turned into arguments and created a rift between them. Neha demanded a separate floor and kitchen with no boundings. She consistently cribbed and forced him to become independent even in the business. Rohan didn’t like the very thought of it, especially being too attached to his parents and sharing a good bond with them. But after being ill-treated for the same by his own wife he had no choice. There were moments when she emotionally blackmailed him, didn’t communicate and even started having meals separately. Although he started living an independent life on separate floor 1.5 years after the marriage, he didn’t want to get separated from the business.
After getting separated from his parents, he felt isolated (stopped socialising completely) and developed the feelings of loneliness. He felt quite lonely until Navya took birth during the third year of their marriage. She was the only source of joy and happiness in his life. He was really concerned about her. With time Rohan and Neha stopped interacting with each other for no reason. Neha was having a good time with her friends and started neglecting him.
With the help of counselling, Rohan learnt to say no to others, including Neha. We also made Rohan socialise with friends and family and start prioritising himself. Whereas, Neha was asked to fix a monthly budget and to stop complaining and cribbing to her husband. She was also advised to pass the message of “we as a parent” and not “mummy and papa”. We guided her to have a working relationship with the in-laws as Rohan is still working with his parents and living in their house. Both of them were also advised to spend private time as a couple as well as a family. We suggested both of them to spend time with Navya individually while taking an initiative in helping Navya with her studies.
Now they are having a healthy relationship with each other and Family.