This is a case of couple counselling where we helped Mr and Mrs Sahani solve their adjustment and intimacy issues. Mr Aaditya (40) and Mrs Aamaya (38) had a love marriage 15 years ago. Before their marriage, they dated each other for about 5 years, where they developed an immediate connection. Initially, they were quite happy in their marriage, but sooner or later they lost spark and the level of intimacy got affected badly due to the practical mundane things. Primarily their families didn’t agree for the marriage due to cultural differences. Both convinced their families and got married with their consent and blessings.
During the individual counselling sessions with Aamaya, we got to know that she was born and brought up in a Bengali family. She lived in a nuclear family and has a younger sister. She was a pampered child and belonged to an upper-middle-class family. Both the parents were equally sharing all household chores. Whereas, Aditya belonged to a Punjabi family. He lived in a joint family with his grandparents as well as an uncle and aunt and they followed the patriarchal system. Just like Aamaya he also has a younger sister, but the family is quite conservative.
Aamaya never lived in a joint family, so, it was very difficult for her to manage with the in-laws. Due to this, she was facing a lot of adjustment issues. There was a misunderstanding between her and the in-laws and power struggle was also an issue. She complained about the in-laws over expectations and husbands maltreatment in the form of negligence and ignorance towards her as a partner.
Due to various reasons, their marriage is losing charm. They have no privacy as a couple, even their 13-year-old daughter is still sleeping between them. Aamaya doesn’t like the participation of her in-laws in the upbringing of her daughter as she doesn’t want to ingrain their values and beliefs. Due to the over-involvement with her daughter, she is left with no time for self-management. She loves to do shopping on and off to make herself happy and socialising with friends.
While Aditya also complained about his mother and wife’s frequent quarrels and arguments related to household chores and raising of their daughter. As per him, Aamaya lacks time management, she doesn’t want to be a homemaker and rarely gives time to the in-laws. Which he considers being very disrespectful. They have 3-4 part-time workers at home with 1 full-time maid for assistance. As per him, she doesn’t give time to him and their emotional, as well as physical intimacy, is also lost. Both are living as strangers in their own home. Even if he initiates to make love, she feels that he just wants to physical.
Together they realised that it’s because of their daughter that they are continuing with marriage, otherwise the love has been long lost somewhere. They also fear for the fact that regular fights and conflicts are having a negative impact on their daughter.
With the help of counselling, we helped Aamaya in developing self-management, time management along with a better relationship with in-laws, as her husband is very close to his parents and respects them very much. They are advised to make their daughter sleep in a separate room.
Most importantly, they are guided to spend individual time with their daughter and to leave her with the grandparents, especially when they are going out together as a couple. This would help them to spend quality time (30-45 min./day) and even revise the time of the affair. Simultaneously, it would also benefit the grandparents to establish a bond with their grandchild. They are also advised for a family (including parents) outing once in a fortnight. Hence, counselling helped the couple to get the lost spark back and enjoy their relationship as they used to and even better.