You can train the physical body to do tremendous physical activities. You can train your brain to become smarter. Similar is the case with emotions. Emotional quotient or EQ is like IQ which measures your ability to handle emotions. Not everybody has their emotions mastered, but there are some who do. Let us look at seven habits of emotionally intelligent people.
1. They know how to ask and when to say no
“Confidence is knowing who you are and not changing it a bit because of someone’s version of reality is not your reality". Shannon L. Alder
Have you ever found yourself in a party that sucks? Or in a toxic relationship not knowing how to get out? People who are emotionally intelligent are aware of their feelings.They figure out how to say no and ask. They do this without attaching anger to it and are in a comfortable place they won’t exchange for the world. These two habits of being able to say no and asking for something needs assertiveness.
2. They let go more frequently
“Forget what hurt you but never forget what it taught you.” Shannon L. Alder
Traditionally in India monkeys are on a chain with a basic box trap filled with groundnuts. There is a slit wide enough for the monkey to put his hand in and out. The monkey tries to grab groundnuts from the slit in box. But as he makes his fist to hold the nuts he is unable to get its hand out of the slit. And he gets trapped in the dilemma. What the monkey needs to do is to let go the nuts. Emotionally intelligent people understand that holding on to something is supporting and being captive to negative emotions. They know how unhealthy it is and also how to let go. They forgive easily but do not forget. They are smart.
3. They know it’s okay for them to be not okay
“Wise enough to be foolish" Gauri Jayaram
Being okay about self doesn't mean being hopeless. It means that you have a higher tolerance to accept yourself the way you are. Emotionally strong people don’t get all frustrated and worked up if they have a negative emotion. They are more oriented towards the solution than the problem. It’s like traffic, it’s horrible if you’re stuck in it. But if you look at it from the 50th floor, it’s peaceful. As Carl Rogers put it, ‘If you want to change something accept it'. Even if they are negative and disturbing sometimes. Unless we accept these emotion no change is possible.
4. They don’t fear change
“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” Jim Rohn
Insecurities cause the fear of change. Whether it’s about a new job, new place, new relationships, anything. Emotionally intelligent people understand that ambience is imagined and internal, not external. With mastery over understanding of their emotions they adapt to changes without fear. Facing fear straight into the eyes is the only way out. Avoidance of fear is not helpful.
5. They know what is balance
“Balance is ultimately more painful than the giving up required to maintain balance." Scott Peck
Without the necessary balance, whatever you create on top of it, someday it will fall apart. People with high emotional intelligence are balanced and more aware. People juggling with emotions often even forget what balance feels like. Balance brings you peace and an opportunity for a smooth life. Balance is not always about doing too many things. It's also not about getting everything under control. Rather balance is about giving up pleasure and gratification to get what you want.
6. They don’t make impulsive and compulsive decisions
"I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.” Gandhi
Living with making compulsive decisions is huge risk. Emotionally intelligent people have their emotions in the right place when making decisions. They are not driven by compulsion, they are driven by consciousness. Consciousness is about being aware of what we label as automatic processing of thoughts in the mind. There is no automatic processing, we make an effort to make our lives miserable.
7. They carry their remote to happiness
“Take charge of your life! The tides do not command the ship. The sailor does.”-Ogwo David Emenike
If someone else has a remote to your emotions, they can play any channel. Emotionally intelligent people take charge of their own happiness. They even don’t get offended easily. They realise their emotions are their responsibility. They don't look at responsibilities as burden or blame. They relate to responsibility as an ability to respond.