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Marriage Partner Selection
I can't totally accept my partner whom I want to marry, but the girl is very good and loves me unconditionally. The main problem is I have multiple partners previously, I am not totally satisfied with her looks but all other things are good in the girl that's why I have chosen her but now I am not getting any feelings for her, I am confused about my decision, because my last partner I loved her very much, she was better than her in every aspect but she left me, So whenever I am seeing beautiful girls I get confused, i am telling my mind that beauty is not the only things in marriage, I am confused very much and everytime i thinking that is my decision is right or wrong, I have physical relationship previously with many girls, please help me, but my present fiance is virgin and her first love is me, that's why I can't leave her and I can't accept her also because of average looks, what to do, ??? please help
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Beyond physical appearance understand her mind , treatment towards you and temperament
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relationship therapy
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Hi,
It sounds like you're struggling with a complex mix of emotions and doubts about your relationship and your decision to marry your current partner. On one hand, you acknowledge that she's a wonderful person, loving, and good in many aspects, which is why you initially chose her. However, your past experiences, particularly the loss of your previous partner who was better than her in every way, have left emotional scars. This might have created a pattern of idealizing and comparing the qualities you desire in a partner, which is causing you to feel dissatisfied with your current partner's looks.
Moreover, your history of having multiple partners and physical relationships can create feelings of guilt and anxiety, making it challenging to fully commit to this new relationship. The fact that your current fiancée is a virgin and has chosen you as her first love adds to the weight of your responsibility in this situation.
It's essential to confront these feelings and have an honest conversation with yourself about what you truly want in a relationship and what you're willing to accept. You may want to consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor who can guide you through this process. They can help you work through your feelings, explore the root causes of your doubts, and develop a better understanding of what you're looking for in a partner and in life.
Ultimately, deciding whether or not to marry someone should be based on more than just physical appearance or past experiences. It's about finding someone with whom you share emotional connection, mutual respect, and trust, and who makes you feel seen and valued for who you are. Take the time to reflect on what matters most to you in a relationship and consider what steps you can take to build a more fulfilling and honest connection with your fiancée.
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consult with a Psychologist
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seek help
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It is understandable that you are feeling confused and conflicted about your decision. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and emotional and physical compatibility are both important aspects of a fulfilling relationship. It seems like you value your fiancée’s love and dedication but are struggling with attraction and lingering thoughts about past relationships.
It may help to explore what is truly important for you in a life partner—beyond physical appearance. Emotional security, trust, shared values, and long-term compatibility tend to be stronger foundations for a successful marriage. However, if you find it difficult to accept your fiancée wholeheartedly, it is crucial to reflect on whether proceeding with the marriage would be fair to both of you. Seeking clarity through self-reflection or professional counseling can be beneficial in making a well-informed decision.
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Take time to introspect on what matters most in a committed relationship.
Identify whether your hesitation is due to temporary doubts or a fundamental incompatibility.
Consider speaking to a relationship counselor to process your thoughts and emotions.
Communicate openly with your fiancée about your feelings, ensuring that both of you make a decision that respects each other's happiness and future.
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Avoid comparing your fiancée to past partners, as every relationship is unique.
Physical attraction is important, but it often grows with emotional connection and shared experiences.
Be honest with yourself—if you are unable to accept her fully, it may be better to reconsider before making a lifelong commitment.
If unresolved, these doubts can lead to future marital dissatisfaction, so addressing them beforehand is crucial.
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You need pre-marital relationship counseling sessions to overcome the problem.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and Counseling Psychologist for the last 17 years. We do pre-marital relationship counseling sessions also.
you can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance
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Ms. Hema Sampath
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
You are pretty confused with your urges and needs..
Before taking any hasty decisions, do Consult a psychological Counselor to understand yourself better and to get a clarity..
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Ms. Rizwana Parvin T M
Counselling Psychologist
7 yrs exp
Coimbatore
Never take a decision when in conflict. What is the priority for you with respect to this girl. If beauty comes first, sorry I have to say you have to look for more options.
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Psychologist
13 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi.... In the above scenario, I would suggest you to take more time. You can get the engagement done if you both feel some kind of formalizaion is required and have a 12-15 months of courtship period before you both get married. Physical and sexual attractiveness is an important attribute while selecting your parter, but it is not the only attribute that matters. Here, the real issue is your own past. You have had multiple partners and one of whom left you. That thought of rejection is clouding your judgement in your present relationship. Also, because you have had multiple partners so you know how it feels to be with different people. On the other hand, your present partner doesn't have any precedence. This creates a gap in both of yours outlook towards your relationship as a married couple in the long run. It's a 40-60 year ball game, not a T-20. Think of what will remain valuable for you and her in 25-30 years down the line. Take professional help if you want.
Next Steps
Consult a Psychologist.
Pre-Marital Counselling/ Couple Therapy is required.
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Senior Psychologist
Cell: nine six seven one three zero three one three four
Website: https://gunjanmaithil.wixsite.com/therapy
App: http://wix.to/fechb08?ref=cl
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Ms. Sheetal Kusumbe
Counselling Psychologist
21 yrs exp
Thane
Hello,
You are in a dilemma and it is understandable. Marriage is a commitment that will be for a lifetime.
However, there are several aspects that need to be compatible for a healthy, happy and fulfilled relationship.
Your priorities need to be assessed and also what is non negotiable for you and your partner as well.
A proactive approach which is devoid of compromises shall help build a strong foundation.
Pre-Marital counseling can benefit you in gaining clarity and a better decision making process. This shall facilitate you to be more confident and happy in your choice.
You can consult for further professional guidance.
Happy Healthy Living!
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Ms. Smriti
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
If there's no attraction or emotional connection, forcing the relationship could lead to long-term unhappiness.
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connect
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consult
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Ms. Mamatha S
Clinical Psychologist
6 yrs exp
New Delhi
Hi there ,
Physical attraction matters in general when you are choosing a partner ,but your attraction to that person also increases depending on their personality and values,goals that align with yours. So an alignment of all these things decide whether your attraction increases or dies down.
But if you don't feel attracted to her but want to marry her for her qualities , this can create tension in your sexual relationship which may affect your bond with her in the long term .
The part of you that feels unsatisfied now may grow to feel more so or less depending on how the bond grows .
So please consider your feelings and the choice you make well before marriage cause your decision will have an impact on both of your lives.
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Choose wisely .
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All the best!
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