Feeling helplessness. Am i beautiful?

I work in a bank,I feel an inefficient all the time. If am facing a task,I try to find ways to escape it.Sometimes while going to office I remember the tasks and get a thought what if I met with an accident rather than going to office.That would give a genuine reason not to face it.I cry a lot, even sometimes I don't know why am I crying.In between a beautiful conversation I bring a topic with my spouse,where if he doesn't give me the response I need then I fight with him,sulking all through the day,until he apologizes.He doesn't apologize and I say all things like you don't value me and this relationship, so you are not apologizing. I berate myself. I want my colleagues acceptance that I stop my work and help them. But never I get their acceptance or approval. I feel like they berate or think low of me. I ask my spouse am I beautiful?he says am average looking,which is true,but I get hurt.Irony to this, when my mother says I am beautiful I don't believe her.i tell her she is lying.